There Will Always Be Reasons to Say 'No'.....

I so admire mothers who also work outside the home, for it is not an easy task to juggle everything. And to be all things to all people, at both home and employment.

As a stay-at-home-mum you are all things to all people all the time too, but at home only. So as busy as life can be, simply by virtue of the fact that you are available for all sorts of tasks that no-one else is, it can be possible to find time to do things that you want or need to do for yourself.

As a stay-at-home-mum you have given up, either by choice or necessity, paid employment to be at home for your children.

You give them, and family life, your time. Children grow up, eventually becoming fairly independent teenagers - transitioning to the adults they believe they already are - and you may then begin to notice that you have some additional time on your hands.

Time is precious. You have happily gifted some of yours and now some of it is being gifted back to you. How to treat this gift, in between the lessening but still required parenting?

Taking some of this time for yourself does not always mean simply partaking in a favourite activity; like going for a walk, a swim or attending a dance class. Nor, it must be said, does it necessarily mean an increased housework load! Some of this time can be used to take a short trip or to put a skill set or an interest you may have to good use. Because you want to. For you.

So you have a think and make some plans, then make arrangements to attend an event to facilitate these plans of yours. But this may require some additional 'out of hours' time, so to speak.

Then you promptly find as many reasons as you can as to why you should just scupper the whole thing and simply say 'no'.

         1) It's the weekend and too many alternative arrangements will have to be                made.          
         2) It's just easier to say no .......  For whom? 

          3) Too many questions will need answering.

          4) Who will make the required meals that you won't be there for?

          5) It's just not worth the hassle.

That was how I felt getting up for my organised event yesterday. I had been looking forward to it but now I just didn't want to go. However, I had made a commitment to attend so go I must.

And on the way I began to think of the many reasons I should more readily say 'YES' to these things.

       1) Weekends and outside school hours are for stay-at-home-mums too.

       2) Shared parenting is a partnership so there are no problems. I am lucky                  this is so.

       3) The more you do it the less questions will arise and 
             more independence will be created.

       4) There is a reason why microwaves and takeaways exist. And cook books                 and YouTube. Anyone can learn.

       5) If I can't make this day happen then I can't make anything               
            that results from it happen either.

       6) I am NOT entirely indispensable.

This is just one of a number of scenarios that I have recently found myself looking for all the reasons I should say no.

Is that simply because I've just gotten used to it? Has staying at home all these years made me 'dependent'? Or perhaps just everyone else around me? Has the status quo been fixed in cement? All without anyone realising....

The actual answers to these questions I pose are unimportant, but dealing with them, for me, is not.

As it happens I thoroughly enjoyed yesterday's event and was glad I made the effort. Everyone survived and I found more reasons to say 'YES' than 'no'.

I think perhaps that teenagers are not the only ones in transition around here ;)

So this is my new motto......



  1. There is a truism that more you stay at home, the less you want to go out. It takes some effort at the beginning but your life will be richer for it. You've put in your time for the family, now it's time for you to do your thing. Enjoy!

    1. @Midlife Singlemum: So very true. In fairness I do quite a lot of things mostly, but not inclusively, within school hours. So that suits everyone. It's when it's outside those hours that I sometimes allow the guilt and negativity to creep in. It can be a lot of work and sometimes it's easier even for me to say 'no'! My own worse enemy!

  2. Perfect, I knwo a friend who said ntohgin but yes for a month and she said it led to some amazing exeriences, many of which were very scary at first. Mich x

    1. @Michelle Twin Mum: That was a very good attitude from your friend, I think I shall adapt it! xx

  3. I have recently gone back to work after 16 years of staying at home..So I absolutely understand both sides (again) Whether I work out of the home-or when I was a stay at home parent..alone time/personal so very important. I am just now re-learning to say "yes" to more social things. It's almost as if I am re-learning how to be a person unto myself. It's hard!

    1. @kathleen: I have only one child yet I'm thinking I have to find myself again. Although I have worked very hard at doing stuff I like as my child grew older and have been lucky enough to do some choreography work now and then. And I definitely have found time for socialising! I really have been lucky but there have been moments when it's not been easy. There is no reason at all why it shouldn't be easier now. I just have to make it so. I so admire you for getting back out there. I wish you luck in your re-inventions too ;) xx

  4. Replies
    1. @Bright Side of Life: I am glad I am not alone! xx

  5. Inspiring reading - and just when I needed it! And now I want to know more about the event you attended too :) xx

    1. @Looking for Blue Sky: Hah... I knew you'd pick up on that! All will be revealed, if anything comes of it ;) I do hope you find the reasons, and the support, to say 'Yes' too. xx


Your comment is very much appreciated! x