Stolen Time


Life, as we all know, is like one long emotional roller coaster ride. It's a gamut of emotions, a rainbow spectrum of highs and lows and excitement and humdrum-ness.

Most of the time we just get on with it, we ride the ebb and flow of it all, and in the difficult times we try to get ourselves and our families out the other side, relatively unscathed. During the good times we make the most of the beautiful scenic moments and of happy family events and holidays. We store all these moments forming a precious memory bank where we, and hopefully in time our children, can mentally dip into, any time we want. We of course hope that the happy memories over-ride the not so happy ones, especially for our children. Yet there are important life lessons to be learned from all of life's events.

All these happy and difficult events are part of life and are character forming; they strengthen us all, adults and children alike, and in time helps us all be the people we eventually become. They strengthen our resolve, our minds and our determination to get through whatever life throws our way.

I think it's fair to say that I have been through quite a few of the colours of this emotional rainbow spectrum recently. A little trip to an exercise class has thrown me into a world coloured with relentless pain and endless pain relief and treatments; and my whole family into unexpected turmoil when I ended up being hospitalised. A place I am anxious to leave as soon as possible, although I am being very well taken care of here!




I dug deep for this and found my positivity and determination to fight, and get back to my usual agile and active self,  as quickly as possible. There were times when I really had to stop and take note of all the positive things that surround me.  However, if recent reports are correct then I will need this determination and strength of character for quite a while to come.

Sigh...

But now that things have settled somewhat, my medications and medical interventions (and there could be a few of those.... that hurt.... a lot) can be managed from afar; with me at home and attending regular out-patient appointments. Yes - me at home - that's  what I said! And if I follow all my physio instructions to the letter, which I do, then I'll enhance my chances of getting better and reaching my goals.

See? That's how this positivity and determination stuff works. You always try to find the silver lining. I'm still in pain but look how far I've come? I can now sit out on a chair and walk with just one crutch for goodness sake!

But then there are the days when you don't care if the world outside is coloured with glorious sunshine, because your indoor world is coloured a distinct shade of grey.

I had a day or two like that recently, days coloured by anger and sadness.

I was sad and and angry that through no fault of my own, my son's last month of school holidays have been ruined. He's been dragged around hither and tither and all in the name of being supervised because his mum wasn't available to be home.

This time was stolen from us both, all the things we had planned; movies to see, woods and lakes to be hiked and a planned trip, with others to a geological site of huge interest, that have all had to be cancelled.

Time that we will never get back. He will never be fourteen-and-a-half again, and being a whole year older next summer he may have better things to do then hang around with his mum! Although I wish that more than anything for him - there are those of you who will instinctively get this - we have definitely lost out this year. As we have also lost out on the little things we do as a family.

I was angry and sad that, in between entertaining Teen Boy, I have lost a month of enjoying some sunbathing, my solo walks and more exercise classes that I intended to pursue. The holiday weight I'd been working on losing too.

My ailing mother who hasn't had a visit from her daughter  in a whole month. That really saddens me.

The dance opportunities that are under discussion that I most probably will now have to say no to. This really makes me very sad and angry too..

Of course I could see the positives in this for my boy. The independence and maturity this whole episode will have given him and the time spent with cousins that he really enjoyed. It may very well be that in time, he will look back on this with a smile on his face! I get all this, really I do.

But then came a weepy, inconsolable day, a day when my hue of sadness had deepened a bit. Actually it deepened quite a bit.

The day when I was told that I may not be home for my son's return to school next Tuesday. There was no talking me out of this one! Of course the world wouldn't implode just because I'm not there for my son's first week back in school. The first week of his Junior Cert year. It will be fine, character building, blah, blah, blah....! As I've said before I get it, I do. And again there are those of you out there who will understand me.

Look, all this positivity and determination stuff is all fine and dandy and I am clearly a great believer of it and all that, but some days it just all goes to pot. Sadness and anger are just two of the many emotions we feel and we all deal with those weepy and inconsolable days in different ways. Some keep it in and some let or talk it out. Some even blog about it. And that's all fine and dandy too! In fact it's healthy.

Sometimes it just takes a good night's pain-free sleep, courtesy of some more medication, to rediscover your innate positivity and bring-it-on-ness that gets you back on your distinctly shaky feet, to work it all out and to accept that what will be will be.

It doesn't matter if I'm there or not son, because whether you like it or not, or wherever I am, I will always (discreetly and from a distance, I promise!) have your back.





Besides, a little birdie - with a medical degree - hints that although I may not be home when you go to school on Tuesday, I very may well be there when you return!


If I am I am and if not, well then life will continue and all will be well.


Take care and stay positive.



Opiate Disclaimer: As you know at this stage I am most definitely unwell, so all my recent posts are brought to you with difficulty (and take forever to do). All grammatical, spelling and syntax errors are brought to you courtesy of controlled medical substances and pain. This disclaimer is also being extended to comments I make on your blogs, or on any Social Media Forums, anywhere. Why? Because while controlled substances relieve pain they also seem to act as truth drugs, and definitely induce brain farts....  






7 comments:

  1. Man plans and God laughs eh? I hope you get home on Tuesday - at least in time to supervise homework, LOL. Also glad to hear that this episode could be resolved with physio and time rather than operations. This is one frustrating setback bringing some big and disappointing lost opportunities. It sucks atm but it will pass. Lots of love and best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery. Maybe you could plan something warm and family orientated for the Christmas holidays? xxx

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    1. Thanks MS. Never a truer saying that's for sure. I totally agree I prefer time, medications and physio no matter how long it takes rather than an operation. On your spine. As the medications are very strong (I don't like that part) there are those who would prefer an operation. Each to their own I say. As the treatments and physio bring the pain levels down it will also bring the medications down :-) Thanks again for your good wishes... we have Mid Term and Christmas break to help make up for lost time!

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  2. Oh I am so sorry, and I get it. I totally get it. You can be as positive as you like and as logical as you can, but in your heart a piece of you keeps crying for what you lost.
    I really hope you are home soon, and can quickly get back to normal with your son. I am sure as you say he has had a ball, but he too will I'm sure be happy to have you home.

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  3. Oh, I do hope you make it home by Tuesday- saying more prayers on your behalf. I know how those hospitals are- just got out of a week at one myself with a ruptured appendix, and there's no place like home. Hoping the best for you, my friend~

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  4. It's when you write about the stolen time that I well up... I really hope that this wretched injury does not keep you apart from the your family for much longer and that you get good news this week xx

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  5. @mythoughtsonapage: Yes, you get it! And those weepy days are kept to a minimum...we stay strong and positive most of the time. That's the best medicine of all. I do worry of course but we will deal with it and all will be well. Thanks for your kind comment and best wishes.

    @Shelly: Thanks Shelly, fingers crossed and all that! Gosh, so sorry to hear about your ruptured appendix. That is very painful. Best wishes tto you for a fast recovery.xx

    @Looking for Blue Sky: Thank you so much. I know that you really get it too. I really do feel that this time has been stolen from me.xx

    Thanks for all your comments here and on facebook. I have amended it slightly to include a very important person in my life that is really losing out. I didn't include her originally because I thought that, if in her right mind she wouldn't appreciate a mention. But now I've decided that whatever way her mind is working she needs to know how sorry I am that I can't visit her :-(

    xx Jazzy

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  6. Oh Jazzy, I am so sorry. Life can really be unfair at times. Good on you for keeping it real and I hope everything works out for the best. xx

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