Stay With Me A While....

It's two am and once more I finally wake through my drug-induced hallucinations to realise that yes, I am in that horrible and seemingly endless painful section of my night, yet again.

I really don't want to be, I told them that. I dread it so much. I warned them that if I have to wait for two more sleeps to get the repeat procedure that I desperately need, then I could not and would not endure two more nights of this horrendous pain.

They changed my medications and yet here I am, same time, same place. Same struggling to wake though the mad dreams to face the actual reality. The same moans as I once more press the bell that brings the lovely nurse, to whom I apologise yet again, with her magic knock-me-out-pills rushing to my bedside.

The same moans and groans as I gobble down those pills and moan my way through the pain. I even struggle on crutches, moaning all the way to the bathroom, hoping that the movement will help.

I am vaguely aware of the stunning street light show of Dublin and Sandymount Beach that spreads out just beyond my window.

But I am way too moany to appreciate it.

As I moan I thank the lucky stars of the person who does not have to share a room with me and hope, for their sake, that a shared room does not become available. For they will never survive me.

I am way too moany on these horrible nights and I want them to end. I want it all to end. All this horrible pain.

And now all of a sudden it seems that I've just blogged my way right through my pain tonight and with the help of some magical Oxynorm, and your wonderful company, I very well might now sleep a while. To awake a few hours hence, in a far better frame of mind to appreciate the stunning views laid out before me. 

One more sleep to the treatment that might bring some long term relief. 

Same time, same place tomorrow then?

Bring some positivity, I sometimes misplace mine.

Many thanks, your company is always appreciated. 


Opiate Disclaimer: this post is written under the influence of extreme pain. Any spelling errors, bad grammar and syntax are purely the cause of  said pain and opiates!


Jazzy

9 comments:

  1. Oh Jazzy, this sounds horrendous. Sending you lots of love from Jerusalem. I'd be begging for a general anesthetic for the duration - wake me up when it's all over. xxxxxx

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    1. Thanks @midlife Singlemum for the laugh... I wish i could just got to sleep for the duration! Thanks for your good wishes :-) xx

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  2. Oh no! :( praying for no more pain for you. Hope you get better soon xxx

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    1. Thanks Steph, that's all I want..... for all this pain to simply go away. And it will.Thanks for your good wishes too :) xx

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  3. poor poor darling - what a horrible thing to be going through
    This WILL end - it has to
    xoxoxoxoxo

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    1. You're right @Floortime Lite Mama. It will.
      You just reminded me of that famous saying... 'this too will pass'.
      Thank you :-) xx

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  4. Thank you all so much for all your continued good wishes both here on my blog and on my twitter and facebook pages. I am overwhelmed by the fact that people even think to tweet or message me unprompted.

    I thought I'd regret writing this post right through my regular two am pain fest last night. It is truly horrendous, so why and how did I get the energy to put fingers to keyboard? Why would anyone do that?

    I don't know.

    It was never intended as a pity-me post, never. Maybe more to give you an idea of what it felt like? To improve my writing skills by trying to explain, however briefly?

    Or simply perhaps because it's true what they say: 'blogging is free therapy.'

    It took ten minutes to write and ten minutes for the serious pain relief to kick in.

    And it really did help!


    xx Jazzy

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  5. Oh Jazzy, so sorry to hear that you are still in a lot of pain. Thank goodness for super strong pain killers. Seriously hope that it is not going to last for too much longer. xx

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  6. People need to know what it's really like. So often so many just put on their brave face and tell everyone that it's fine, when it's not, and perhaps they are not helping themselves or others when they do that. Hopefully everything will be better after today xx

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